Sleep

Sleep. I can not sleep. The sound of rain hit my window and I find my heart almost drawing out your loud steps past my open door as I hide under the covers. I hear a loud tap taping of and then nothing. I look right at as you go back but in the morning I cant remember your face.  Cant breathe since you told me your wish. Can't live normally. What do I do? What can I say? My body finds a reluctance to want to think so I move. No thought but yet and still I drown in the brown in the tint tar in this room of bars . Thick muck conceals my body and conquers my soul. and you say to me sleep. I cannot. There is no death here and while you tried to find that peach life cannot give you locked me in a cycle of hell that will be everlasting unlike most things in this world, it will never move on. Now you are content and im so very lost. The heat in my soul is growing its own yuck and my heart has no partner of strength now. Now all there is is a body of meat and it chokes, chokes on the brown tin tar, The clouds are always full of water but my cheeks are dry. Oh, how can I trust you? I fear I will lose you. But soul is broken, shattered. I cannot cry. I cannot sleep. I can't just be.. and  you tell me to sleep.
I shall not. Because I cannot.
The peace has left me..I gave it to you.
Though I cannot dream. I see you as I am up and you  smile for a change and my burdens float away and at last I know I still have you.I want to sleep
But the pain is worth it now that we are so wealthy. So you ask me if I can sleep.
But who wants to sleep.

Thu, Jan 27 2011

Sometimes

Sometimes I wish I was alone. Sometimes I wish for a new day,
and sometimes I curse the stars.
Sometimes I feel alone- I dont like it..I feel angry all the time. I want to belong but I dont. My soul is torn my mirror is cracked. My heart is grown. I cant. Cant.
Tues. Jan, 11 2011
11:37pm