Battle Scars II

Now you call.

Now you try to use your voice to flirt and intice but you see
im an all or nothin kinda woman-- take me all in all or be nothin to me.

Now you finally see your affection which used to make me happy and warm
has left you cold.
Its sad...my battle scars have healed and you thought I'd be nothing without you--no silly boy.

Your nothing without me...And I don't want you back.

Preservation

Sometimes in life you have to kill things to save yourself.
MAE


Today I learned that yes indeed life sucks.. for everyone

When the Sun Met the Snow (Moon met the Sun)

I am a creature of the sun and moon basking in its ever warm and quieted existence.

Once a cautious creature's gesture is made and a flower excepted
time slows and all things common are now foreign and 
life has a new name, a new keeper, a new kept secret .

I see a snow creature cold and tingly by design. 


This place is cool and the wind sounds of laughter as thick as sin.
The grass is green with white and yes the sea is blue but blue as your iris I would lose myself and lie in the infinite waters of your soul.


Interesting, oh just how interesting things suddenly become.


There even the sun shined in the rain and my warm wonderland was visited by the snow, ever so often my warm home became a winter rescue.  The creature almost became all there ever is or ever was and suddenly
vanished. 

Went away and took his snow with him.

The once orange sky turned then to midnight blue
and so did the moon. The lively warmth became a lonely cold
and All that was once new became old. All that was different became mundane.

But through the forest of frost 
the moon found something she had long lost.
A new place that had aged so 
It had no name. She found a secret in her heart.


It gave her love, it gave her warmth as she learned to love
the water she created in this place with blue grass as she walked
along the orange path. Her icy filled existence was not ever empty
I smiled my arms lifted to the sky as the blessings fell from above.


Through her worst pain she created the best beauty.

Tonight

I want to make more creative things--beautiful things...to
belong to me. Not myself or I, but ME.

Life

((Dec. 26, 2008))
Gentle and kind things don't matter in this world, unlasting as they are, its the harsh and cruel things that make us want to paint beautiful pictures. -M.A.E.

Battle Scars

((Jul 25, 2010))

My heart craves vengeance for me....
i crave a meaning for my pain...
a reason to have bled and
not just cuz i liked it...a reason to have fallen
so low but can't get off this high cuz I took it. I embraced it. 
Days later my body hurts with it...
you may not understand...
in fact i'm sure you do not.
And if you do understand then you just don't care..
i'm different, i have standards and rules and conditions..
i need you right now but if you want
to walk away from me i will let you go...
i WILL let you go. but how do I let go of
someone who isnt trying to leave?!
Some times i wished you hated me or
hit me just so i would not love you but, passion
..no.. i can not kill the passion
i have for you in fact i can hate you
till the blood boils out of my veins but that
hatred is so passionate it will make
 me love you more...
If this farewell is the beginning of a journey
ill smile as much as possible for you...
oto no shinai namida ga kono mune
nagareru kedo kuyamazu ni fumidasu
yo mate aeru made.
Zutto zutto wasurenai...but nothings everlasting.
Tsunaida te to te hanare wa shinai

To be a child love

To be a child I once was is impossible
I retain most of my blind cheer and love 
but now I can see and feel an inevitable truth:

"As I grow older happyness is harder to achieve
and less things will fill you with love. Tis much softer 
to feel and experience like a child. Than to be
cold and bitter as an adult."M.A.E.

Taken Back

As I am getting older i'm really starting to understand.
I feel a lot of compassion for everone and everything 
because that is what i want for myself.
I want others to be compassionate towards me.


It is a hard thing to do to feel love in your heart rather
than criticisms, to every opportunity I have I take myslef back.


Back to a time where i felt judged and criticised and 
I hold that feeling and let it go.
This way I can feel compassion for all people good and "bad".

Yeah :)

Yeah :) by Simsgoddess featuring thong shoes

Christmas Season

Christmas Season by Simsgoddess featuring long sleeve sweaters

This to wear around christmas time :)

Glim or Glam

Glim or Glam by Simsgoddess featuring high heel shoes

Glim or Glam

Untitled

Some days I spend in my room
I sit and think and I realize you were always there
All I had to do is see with my eyes and say a few
things let go of the past with him and maybe we could have been something
Bigger than this pain i have now. Love is wounding, its filling and empty.
And I let you go . Found a distraction and forgot.


But Forgetting is hard to do. So now Im sorry and I shouldn't be.
I cant fight this feeling.
So as I bathe in moonlight and let the air caress my skin


I'll miss you.

Hello

Today I acquired a Blog.
I decided It was time I had a journal of some sort so here it is.
Things currently on my mind

• school
• love 
• life 
• truth